Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Just for Laughs

When I was pregnant we went to a breastfeeding class. Since we were running late I decided to wait and pee after we got checked in. This will now be referred to as mistake number one.

The only seats we could get were on the side of the classroom on the far side of the door. The only way to get to the door was to cross in front of the entire class. As we put our coats down I told Chris I was going to use the restroom. Just then the instructor stood up and said, "Let's begin..." so I sat back down. Mistake number two.

Just a couple of minutes into the lecture I realized the mistakes I had made. Of course I didn't want to waddle across the front of the class to the door and was not even sure I could get through without asking someone to move. So I didn't. Mistake number three.

When the instructor finally gave us a break I headed for the door. The bathrooms on our side of the hospital were closed. Really? Seriously? I am never going to make it. I held my hand over my baby and prayed he would not head butt me in the bladder.

My husband was walking with me so I leaned over and quietly told him, "Honey, if all of a sudden I say that my water broke, don't panic. Just go back to the room and get our stuff and I'll meet you at the car." He looked at me oddly but just nodded his head.

I did make it to the bathroom. But when I got out my husband wanted a little explanation about the water breaking comment.

When you wait a little too long to go to the bathroom, which is necessary roughly every fifteen minutes when you are pregnant, and then your child pokes your very full bladder you wonder what you will do if you pee in public. This was my contingency plan. I would say very loudly, "Oh my gosh, my water just broke!" I would then waddle to the nearest exit as quickly as possible with my hand over my belly.

Thankfully I never had to implement my plan, but I was ready.

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