Putting an Octopus in Pantyhose

I took Doodlebug to church by myself today. He goes to his class during the sermon, but we usually pick him up early and take him back in for the last couple of worship songs. As we came back to the sanctuary I noticed that people weren't singing yet, but since one of our friends was holding the door for us I decided that slipping in the back should be okay. Nope. It was totally silent for a moment and Doodlebug decided to annouce his arrival by yelling "Hi!" to everyone. Nice.

So the singing started and we went back to our seat. Doodlebug was, ahem, slightly restless. You know the kind where toddler's try to flip out of your arms headfirst onto the floor. That kind of restless. I finally held him upside down. That worked well for about 30 seconds. Now he is wanting down so badly he's pushing against me trying to get away. Unfortunately for me his hands happened to be on my throat so I got a bit strangled.

Now I'm getting dirty looks from the childless couple across from me so I decide it's time to move to the back of the room and put him down. Maybe he will wander around quietly back there. Ha! No, he thought it would be a better idea to head for the door and try to slip out, only to fuss when I prevented his escape.

So we headed to a different spot in the back of the room that is away from the childless glaring couple and the door. No dice. He did change from fussing to happy noises when he saw his friend. At least the singing was loud enough that most people could not hear him.

Finally I picked him up and just held on for dear life while he wiggled and squirmed. I am beat. It would have been easier to put an ocotpus in pantyhose.

My last post I said I would be back to blogging. And then I was gone for two weeks. Life does not always work out the way I plan it. I'm not sure when I will be back to blogging more regularly because I am really busy filling out adoption paperwork.

Wait, did you catch what I just said?

We are filling out adoption paperwork!

Like I said, life doesn't always work out the way I planned.

Things That Have Made Me Laugh.

Oh my gosh, I just came across this blogpost and laughed until I cried. I tried to call my husband upstairs to read it, but was laughing so hard I just ended up just laying on the top banister. Luckily he came up to see what the commotion was about and I was able to point to the computer.

Some things are too funny not to share.

Happy Monday everyone!

Pumpkins are a Mean Vegtable

A while back my blog friend Heather mentioned that her family grows a couple of pumpkins every year so they don't have to buy them for Halloween. I thought this was a most excellent idea so I stole it.

When we carved our pumpkin last year we saved out about 8 seeds. I dried them on the windowsill a while and then put them away until spring.

When I planted our garden this spring I dropped in a few of the seeds. I think I planted six in total and to my amazement, four actually grew! For the next week or so I had the cutest little pumpkin plants. Then I had some bigger pumpkin plants. By the time we came back from vacation the pumpkins had run amuck. They completely grew over the marigolds totally hiding them from sight, started to choke out the squash and were running vines out into the yard.

Then God intervened.

It's been in the high 90's all week and not a rain drop in sight. When I went out to pull some weeds tonight it was obvious that one of the pumpkin vines had perished from heat exhaustion and lack of water.

Oops.

So I pulled it out.

If you ever find yourself in a similar situation I highly recommend that you wear gloves. Did you know that pumpkins have thorns? And prickers? And they are not widely spaced apart like rose. Oh no, they are packed in tight. And since I was not wearing gloves I felt the fury of the pumpkins wrath.

Thirsty pumpkins are mean pumpkins. After all, this is the pumpkin that the seeds came from.



And just so you know that I am not a total pumpkin hater I am adding on a picture of a very cute and sweet pumpkin. This one has no thorns and is very cute indeed.

My One Dollar Garage Sale Bargain

I love garage sales. There is an amazing variety of stuff, some great deals to be had and some very funny stories. This is one of those stories.... I stopped at a garage sale because I caught a glimpse of a large stuffed Elmo. Doodlebug is a huge fan of Elmo and so I always stop to look at the Elmo stuff for him. I walked up and picked up Elmo to look at the price. Suddenly I hear a little voice.

"Are you lookin' at my Elmo?" I looked up to see a four-year-old little girl, obviously the current owner of Elmo. I laughed a little and told her I was. I moved on to look at some DVD's and noticed there was one about potty training featuring Elmo. As I pick up the DVD I hear her again, "Do you know how to potty train someone?"

Okay, this is just too good to pass up. I love these types of conversations with kids. So I tell her "No, but I'm hoping that if I buy this video I'll learn how. What do you think?"

Crossed her little arms, narrowed her little eyes and skeptically said, "I don't know...."

So I asked her, "Are you potty trained?" Indignenetly she replied "Yes!"

"Do you know how to potty train someone?" She nodded enthusiastically. With really big eyes I asked her "Do you think you could potty train my little boy for me?" Nodding her head she told me "Oh, yes!"

"How much do you charge?" I asked her. After a few seconds she cocks her little head and says, "Ummmmm, a hundred?" Ever the bargain shopper I clarify "Pennies?" That got a quick response of "No! Dollars!"

I told her I could not afford $100 and asked if she could come down on the price a little for me. She said, "Okay, how about one dollar?" "You're hired!" I told her.

And that, my friends, is how you hire a potty trainer for the grand sum of one dollar at a garage sale.

Just for Laughs

When I was pregnant we went to a breastfeeding class. Since we were running late I decided to wait and pee after we got checked in. This will now be referred to as mistake number one.

The only seats we could get were on the side of the classroom on the far side of the door. The only way to get to the door was to cross in front of the entire class. As we put our coats down I told Chris I was going to use the restroom. Just then the instructor stood up and said, "Let's begin..." so I sat back down. Mistake number two.

Just a couple of minutes into the lecture I realized the mistakes I had made. Of course I didn't want to waddle across the front of the class to the door and was not even sure I could get through without asking someone to move. So I didn't. Mistake number three.

When the instructor finally gave us a break I headed for the door. The bathrooms on our side of the hospital were closed. Really? Seriously? I am never going to make it. I held my hand over my baby and prayed he would not head butt me in the bladder.

My husband was walking with me so I leaned over and quietly told him, "Honey, if all of a sudden I say that my water broke, don't panic. Just go back to the room and get our stuff and I'll meet you at the car." He looked at me oddly but just nodded his head.

I did make it to the bathroom. But when I got out my husband wanted a little explanation about the water breaking comment.



When you wait a little too long to go to the bathroom, which is necessary roughly every fifteen minutes when you are pregnant, and then your child pokes your very full bladder you wonder what you will do if you pee in public. This was my contingency plan. I would say very loudly, "Oh my gosh, my water just broke!" I would then waddle to the nearest exit as quickly as possible with my hand over my belly.

Thankfully I never had to implement my plan, but I was ready.